I came to the conclusion that I still operate under a preoccupation with eating only certain foods. No, that is not inherently bad and is a good habit to maintain. But I guess I was just really convinced my recovery was fine. However, today I’ve eaten more sugar than I usually do. And I’m about to lose my mind. I’m tugging at my skin and panicking and chugging water and tea and having a really hard time focusing. No, I shouldn’t eat sugar…but I also shouldn’t have a mental breakdown when I do. My diet has consisted of oatmeal, spinach salads with chicken, yogurt, fruit, etc. So…I’ve played it fairly safe. Mostly because it’s often all I CAN eat with celiac disease. I never really took into consideration that this habit has taken over significantly. I have no interest in breaking healthy eating, but considering I also didn’t work out today (first day in 6 days), I was basically asking for a struggle that I didn’t acknowledge would happen since I feel fairly far-removed from my eating disorder.
Humbling moments. I’m still alright though. :)